All posts tagged humor

Guest Blog – Our Lonely Basket For All The World To See – Tale Of Parental Shame By Kate Dzienis

August 5, 2012

As some of you may be aware, I am currently overseas and inviting guest bloggers to come over to Mumchic and share some of their wonderful words with us. I hope that you all thoroughly enjoyed the lovely  Lucy Curtis’ blog on Life As A Work Of Art the other day. Lucy, we loved having you, thankyou !

Today, we are hosting for a second time and with great pleasure friend and journalist Kate Dzienis of the Skinny Cap Two Sugars blog. Kate says she doesn’t do humour but this blog had me laughing to pieces! Good on you Kate and thankyou once again for starring on Mumchic!

Over to you !

Our Lonely Basket For All The World To See – Tale Of Parental Shame.

We’ve all grown up with those embarrassing moments our parents force upon us – mum tagging along to your school social dance and really getting jiggy with it or dad running through the supermarket aisles with a trolley at full speed into a wall of toilet paper.

Perhaps those moments were just mine…?

In any case, enter me and my younger brother Matt, all grown up and ready for some payback. And it’s even better now that I can blog about it to an audience and text her, “Ma, check out Mumchic’s blog…surprise!” .Today is the day I relay one particular embarrassing moment, which I’m fully aware my mother will never forgive us for – but laugh she will.

Every Easter on the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday, it’s customary in our culture to create a beautiful basket with ribbons and fill it with food to include sausages, horse radish, bread, salt, decorated eggs, butter, ham, cheese, sprigs of greenery and a statue of a lamb.As a family, you go to church to get all the food blessed and then enjoy it together for Easter Sunday breakfast. I’m not quite sure if Matt and I insulted our own heritage but we had a big old laugh about our basket this year.

For the past ten years, mum has always forced me and my brother to go to church for the blessing of the basket by ourselves – I’m going to admit here, neither of us are practising Catholics but once or twice a year, we appease the religion and do what we’re told (even at the ages of 31 and 23).

This year, however, we forced mum to come with us – and we’re pretty sure she’s still regretting it.

Firstly, we elaborated a little bit on our basket.

As a token of the random things throughout mum’s house, we placed an Irish Spring bar of soap, a potato, packet soup and packet beef stroganoff sauce, a can of German sauerkraut, two containers of reduced-in-price-for-quick-sale cherry tomatoes and unwrapped meat.

 

Left: What a traditional basket is supposed to look like. Right: Me and my brother’s basket.

 

That’s right folks, we didn’t even unwrap the ham or sausages.

Mum was so embarrassed with our basket that she dutifully attempted to cover it with a scarf but when we parked the car and began walking to the crowd of eastern European church goers, mum was given the honour of carrying the basket with my brother running up behind her to steal the scarf for the world to see what we had.The woman didn’t even want to have anything to do with placing our delightful basket on the blessing table (note: the ceremony is held outside the church).Needless to say, Matt proudly and strategically placed it to sit alone and in full view of the crowd.

The laughter didn’t stop there; in fact, it got louder between us naughty siblings as mum pretended she didn’t understand English and quickly walked away from us whenever we attempted to get to her.Alas, the blessing ceremony ended and Matt collected our decadent basket with honour, the two of us approaching strangers to show off our canned sauerkraut and packet soup, asking for advice on how to make them properly.

People actually thought we were being serious.

While mum walked ahead of us back to the car, her head down in shame, we attempted to get her attention crying out “Prosze pani!”, which is “Excuse me, lady,”.

The funniest part? People actually stopped her to tell her there were two people yelling after her with their arms in the air.

Oh, the fun we had that Easter weekend. Can’t wait to do it all over again !

And now your turn. Have you ever had an experience where your child has well and truly embarrassed  you in company? Or have you, like Kate hatched a bit of a payback plan of your own?

 

 

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That Time Of The Year.

July 11, 2012

It is that time of the year for me.

Once, every year round about the same time, I find myself deeply immersed in excel spreadsheets, pens, highlighters, pretty colored sticky flags and a calculator. I work weekends, late week nights, from home..sounds fun right? Heck, even when I am not working, I am dreaming of trial balances and reconciling figures to a general ledger in my brain.

EOFY! or commonly known as End Of Financial Year – every accountant’s nightmare , every auditor’s dream. So come 30 June every year when everyone else is shopping their hearts out at the stocktake sales, us accountants pour our heart,soul and (umm do tears count?) tears on to our spreadsheets – Ok fine! So I snuck in a  couple of handbags at the sales , big deal! one of them was down from unaffordable $99 to totally should not be given up $34.95. That too a Charlie Brown. Ah I knew you’d reason with me when you heard that.

Amidst all that fascinating number matching, forecasting, budgeting and reporting, (no really it is fascinating!) referencing, referencing more (public service perks I tell you), who in their right mind would have the time to write a blog? Yes indeedy, it is after all TTOTY.

Thus the relative silence from my end of late. Like every year, I hope that I will survive EOFY unscathed, like every year, I am wrong. I am already feeling mentally taxed and looking tired and worn out. I simply cannot wait for it all to be over. Sigh..

But but but, the exciting part is that this year it will be over for me sooner than you think. Infact, we are talking hours….aha! curious aren’t you ?

Stay tuned for the next post, it will be much more thrilling than an accountant’s jargon, I promise !

Have a good one :)

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Officially in love….with my GHD

June 7, 2012

Roughly two weeks ago, my GHD called it quits, I don’t even know exactly what happened but one Friday morning when I went to do my hair, it just would not turn on. Now, having been through a similar situation around the same time last year, the rate at which I reached a state of panic and despair was staggered. At least this time around, I had a plan, knew who to call and what to do to make a claim on its 2 year warranty. It is at moments like these when you are SO grateful to yourself for actually bothering with the online warranty registration.

Before I go any further and for the benefit of some men and possibly women who are wondering what  GHD is, it stands for “Good Hair Day” and is a brand of very good quality air straighteners. Salons swear by them and people, well lets just say the GHDs are making the world a better place…literally! So ladies, if you don’t own one already, its time to hassle the man in your life to buy you one – just paint him rosy pictures of  how pleasant you can actually be on days you are not having a bad hair day (noone’s saying you have to follow through, you can always find other things to be cranky about!!) and throw in a blurb about how after all it does stand for Good Hair Day and that would have to stand for something. Trust me, logic works with men. Agree guys?

But what do you do if there isn’t a logical and employed man in your life? Sigh I hate to break it to you ladies but looks like you will have to go the hard way and do what I did. SAVE. Yes, I saved all the $249 I paid for my GHD although at one stage I did consider a small personal loan or better yet, a stand  in logical and employed man. Nah! just kidding!

So yes, when your hard earned GHD straightener dies on you, the matter is never to be taken lightly. That is your blood, sweat and tears (or impeccable marketing and negotiation skills incase you were lucky to have the logical, employed dude) lying dead on on bathroom sink. The matter must be resolved.

Coincidentally(or maybe karma for some really really bad thing I had done to someone), the day my GHD died was also the day I was meant to be having dinner with my friends. Now I don’t do this very often, the going out with friends bit. But when I do, I like to look my decent self and call me vain but that is just next to impossible without my gorgeous gold GHD straightener. Close to cancelling the plan entirely, I managed to pull off the next best thing , I blow waved my hair.It wasn’t GHD perfect but it would have to do – for now.

Thus ensued 2 painful weeks, an endless, agonising wait and many mood swings. The Fab 2 copped it too and were probably left wondering what they had done wrong this time (besides being puzzled about why mummy’s hair looked so bad all the time these days- trust me little boys notice EVERYTHING – things change dramatically as they age but that subject is for another day).The initial few days, I was doing the whole blow wave thing but aside from being a major time leech, I was also not getting the results I wanted. So in effect I went from gorgeous, long ,flowy, celebtrity-ish sexy  GHD’d hair to blow waving to a ponytail and eventually to a roughly tied bun. The way I looked, scruffy and haggard, people at work couldn’t be blamed for thinking I was going through a rough patch in life. I felt angry and depressed , I wanted my GHD , I wanted it bad!

 See what I mean?

And then yesterday, it finally arrived. My replacement, brand new GHD gold styler which looks like this:

Isn’t she a beauty?

I cannot begin to describe the waves of relief that washed over me. And the sheer joy of beautiful, straightened hair this morning…unparallelled. You could blame me for being vain. You could banish me to that group of outcast candyfloss writers who can never write about anything of great significance. You could patronize me on having wasted $249 and you might say I am being self-indulgent.  The fact remains that I love how the GHD makes my hair look super chic. And chic is one thing  this mum ain’t giving up!

Therefore, I hereby happily declare myself , officially in love…with my GHD!

*Do you have a favourite beauty item that you simply can not function without?

Please note: This is not a paid or sponsored post, I truly do love owning a GHD.

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not sleeping

Sorry, Closed Tonight – Currently Dreaming.

May 11, 2012

Hello All

I fell asleep while reading to the Fab 2 tonight. Around 11pm, I was suddenly and almost rudely awoken by the realisation that it was supposed to be a post night with a couple of a photo a day May posts overdue as well. As you can see , the Blogging Addiction shows no signs of  slowing down.

Somehow, I have lugged myself out of bed and here I am but only briefly. Clearly, the likes of late nights blogging, sleep deprivation and general motherhood induced exhaustion have caught up with me and my body is yelling out for a bit of recharging if I expect it to function somewhat normally.

To spare you from some utterly crappy post that I may come up with if I force myself to write and you feel obligated to like , it is with deep regret that I wish to advise you that Mumchic will remain closed tonight and undergo some much needed recuperation from bloggers burnout. I solemnly do promise to return wiser, funnier and somewhat less sleepier(if that is even possible but I like living in hope).

We will be back on board  tomorrow but until then if you would like a little fix of bloggy goodness, here are a couple of my favourite peeps and their recent posts :

Brazilia’s Most Popular Tourist by Skinny Cap Two Sugars

Changing the world by Five Second Rules

I just realised there is a common denominator in both the above posts, but I will let you figure that one out.

Have a great day/night wherever you are !

As for me, I will  now go back to dreaming ….mmm where’s my pillow ?

 

 

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morning-after-intro

The Morning After…

April 20, 2012

Oh you filthy minds you !

You came in here to find the scoop on Mumchic’s secret liaisions didn’t you ? You thought I’d be holding my head in shame because of some ludicrous situation I had gotten myself into. See ! I knew it ! Well my dears , sorry to disappoint but nothing even mildly racy to report here .You want racy , there are websites for that sort of thing or magazines ?!

Anyway , after a heavy and passionate night of blogging which resulted in a food rant  , a fair round of appreciation  and the like , I experienced a strange residual feeling this morning. I wanted to compulsively read and reread last night’s post , my brain racing with thoughts on how it could have been better. What sentence construction needed improvement , what part of the story lacked detail , how could the dialogue be more graphic. Did people even want to read about someone else’s sorry toasted sandwich rant ? In an instant , I had become my own highly critical English teacher propelling myself into doubt , such that I considered taking the entire post down.

Have you ever experienced  this syndrome ? Should these “The Morning After Reflective Blogger”  symptoms  be filed in the growing list of the signs of a Blogging Addict ?

And if so , why did I bother writing this post with its enticing title , why didn’t I just update the last one ?

What can I say wonderful people ;

a.I love you all and 

b.I’m a sucker for the extra air time !

Have a wonderful weekend :)

Image Courtesy – Morning After Recap : http://collegecandy.com/author/ccandyanon/page/8/

Image Courtest – Question Marks and a man : Google

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blog cartoon

The Life and Times of a Blogging Addict – Are you one ?

April 13, 2012

Psssssssst !!!  I’m back !! I bet there’s a few of you out there who missed hearing from me and couldn’t help wonder where I was hiding , go on , you can admit it , I won’t tell anyone ( evil grin ).. maybe ?

Okay so now that I am done gloating about how much you all love me , I have to say , honestly the feeling is mutual . I was quite sick the past few nights and barely able to sit in front of the laptop for more than 15 minutes but my mind was abuzz with some brilliant post ideas and thoughts I just HAD to share with you , my fabulous readers.

Not one for addictions unless they spell chocolate or coffee , these No Post Withdrawal symptoms I was experiencing got me thinking , had I acquired a new vice ? Am I the latest Blogging Addict in blogosphere ? Does a Blogaholics Anonymous even exist ? ( See I am even talking in blogspeak now , its a sign folks its a sign ) .  And thus , part of today was spent recapping my 6 week old blogging journey culminating in one stark realisation , yes I had fallen, hook , line and sinker for this great blogging game . I qualify , on all counts as a Blogging Addict .

Now there are many lists floating out there on the internet , heck there are quizzes too ( NO I did not attempt one , thankyou very much ! ) but I thought why not have our own list here at Mumchic HQ and give  our non-blogging audience the inside story on The Life and Times of  a Blogging Addict .

You know you are a Blogging Addict when :

You never leave home without a camera or have a phone with an inbuilt camera.You also either own a DSLR you even pretend you own a DSLR because you know it has credibility in the bloggers circuit.Every opportunity is quite possibly a photo opportunity – ranging from beautiful sunsets, gorgeous autumn days , delectable treats on the dinner table ,the kids artwork, craft , rude emails from your boss .. okay maybe not those but you get the idea…in fact this very minute you are thinking how Facebook’s acquisition of Instagram  can be used to enhance photo sharing and then ofcourse you have your Pinterest followers to factor in as well.

Your new post ideas and inspiration radar never goes to sleep . For example , today , a friend was quite animatedly telling me about a movie she watched last weekend and I said , ” Hey , would you like to do a guest movie review for the site ?”  Random , I know ! And this is not the first time , I have done it to various people in the past few weeks . Some , I must say have been very excited about being featured on a website like my friend this afternoon but others have given me the ” Do you really think I have the time to indulge you? and what is this , this Mumchic thing anyway ? ” look.

Your blog editor ( in my case : WordPress )  is now a household name .   As soon as I flip my phone out to innocently take pictures of the Fab 2 , FS1 ( Fabulous Son 1 – for new followers ) will say to FS2 , ” Hey FS2 , lets do the ________ move ( fill in the blanks with cool moves that 8 year olds do ) , mummy’s going to wordpress it and the whole world can see it ! ” FS1 takes after me and is an absolute poser . FS2 is more the analytical observer then says , ” WordPress ? Oh yeah the thing where mummy writes her stories ” ah joy !

You are perpetually sleep deprived because you have stayed up late working on an article , published it , waited for initial reactions and finally around 2am made it to bed only to be up every few hours to check on the site’s latest stats , whether there have been any likes/comments . In the event of no likes/comments , you are restless and need a chocolate hit to pacify those nerves. When you finally fall asleep again , you dream about the latest likes/comments.Enough said ..

You jot down blog post ideas anywhere and everywhere often when when you should be working on a complex excel worksheet instead . See example below ;

You had no idea what SEO and backlinks meant until you started blogging and you have installed all the  popular social media apps on your smartphone , for times when you just can’t get to the laptop but HAVE to touch base with your growing fan following.Anything to generate traffic you see.

You say a silent prayer as you hit the “Publish” button .

You have an uncontrollable urge to post every single day.. Sometimes even twice a day or thrice ?

You dream of winning blog awards and being recognised for your brilliant writing.

Your newest friends are fellow bloggers who will usually relate to all of the above.

So tell me ..

How did you fare in the above list ? Do you classify yourselves as a Blogging Addict or are you a budding addict. Do you have any more signs and symptoms of addiction to share with our audience ?

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i've tried something new sticker

No stories , No quotes and certainly no food for thought today…

March 29, 2012

Oh you wandered in and wanted to know what’s this new thing I have tried , well I can tell you its not a recipe and its certainly not a new quote I discovered , its a new theme in case you hadn’t figured that out already !

Just switching things up a bit and trying something new , something different ….so what’s the general consensus folks ? Do you like this new magazine feel or did you prefer the old theme ?

Thoughts ? Ideas ? I would love to hear from you !

Image courtesy : http://veggietoddler.blogspot.com.au/2010/04/ive-tried-something-new.html

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siri

Oh iPhone , how I love to hate you..

March 25, 2012

Dear iPhone ,

My relationship with you has been an interesting one and the subject of much ridicule amongst my closest friends and family . You see , I was one of those outcasts who found the whole touch screen experience fairly intimidating – and NO I refuse to be called technologically challenged , can I help it if the Finnish Nokia had my fingertips wrapped around its beautiful beveled keys for a good part of a decade. It was a long drawn out break up with Nokia I have to say , at one stage I was carrying two phones , an iPhone because you know , everyone has an iPhone , I mean EVERYONE  and a Nokia because it felt like home. My Blackberry loving sibling , prone to telling it like it is , was often found wondering in company whether your only purpose in my life was to serve as a camera .

Time , they say is the best healer , over time I developed a kind of affinity for you, dearest iPhone , enjoying the land of apps and an unending supply of music you always provide at the touch of a screen….emails at my fingertips , google search a tip and a tap away , maps when I lost my way , really what more can one want ? Having said that, I didn’t succumb to a rash purchase as soon as they replaced you with that new swisher looking iPhone 4 when it arrived back in 2010.You could say I was finally beginning to fall in love with you.

But late last year, you sort of gave in and I thought it was time for fresh starts. After endless research and friendly debates generally titled ” Samsung SII vs Apple iPhone 4s ” , “Android vs iOS”  , ” hold out for the iPhone 5 or go for the 4s “…. you get the drift, I , once again gave in to Apple , well Siri really.

4 months on , I think it would be only fair to say , my not so new iPhone 4s and I share a love hate relationship . Here’s why :

I hate, hate, HATE that it has a shocking battery life and I have to charge it every freaking half an hour.

I LOVE that it has a fantastic 8 mega pixel camera that takes brilliant photos as well as videos  , almost negating the need to have any other digital camera in my life unless its a DSLR.

I HATE( I mean love , I mean hate , I mean love …oh nevermind !) that having a world of information at my fingertips in the form of a smartphone , I am less inclined to read a book on my way to work and highly inclined to read who did what with whom and where on Facebook, very informative I tell you. I am also very much likely to connect with a friend via text,email or a facebook shout out than by actually just phoning them which by the way is also just a finger tap or a Siri command away.

Speaking of Siri ,the lovely Siri ( which did you know can go through a gender change just by selecting the English – UK option as I discovered this morning ). It  is a great addition and a definite step up in the game , heck it is possibly what convinced me to go with the 4s over the Galaxy SII , having said that I HATE that I have only but used it but  a total of umm 15 times and it refuses to assist me with finding the closest chinese restaurant because I speak with an Australian accent . I am not paying any less ( infact its probably more seeing the current exchange rate )  for an iPhone 4s than my American friends then why the prejudice Apple ? I would like a Siri that knows everything , thankyou very much !

Oh and lets not forget, I HATE how,  the fabulous two with Siri’s willingness to always  please find their way into playlists when they should be doing their homework.

I LOVE that Siri has given our home many magically cute moments like the other night when FS2 , half asleep and contemplative , asked ” Mummy , Siri must get so tired , she has to answer so many questions , does she ever sleep ? ” , Yes I know he is cute isnt he ? , takes after his mother ofcourse , I couldn’t help but play along by saying ” Yes sweetheart , which is why we really shouldn’t be asking her what the current weather is in Disneyland… every 5 minutes “

And lastly , I HATE how the fabulous two have executively decided that the iPhone is their primary gaming console , no matter how many other gaming consoles we may have in our house , they will gladly trade-in for an iPhone. There was even talk last week in the house  about taking the phone into school for show and tell ( something to do with being cool I suppose ) and FS1 is apparently saving up for the iPhone 5 . FS1 is 8 years old and might be dreaming.

So as touted aggressively by Apple, is the iPhone 4s the most amazing iPhone yet ? Probably , Am I sold on it ? No , not yet .

 I hear they might release the iPhone 5 later this year around Spring ( I’m Australian remember , Spring = September , we do seasons the other way round down under just in case you were wondering ) , Will I be pre-ordering it ? No , I don’t think so .. I rather enjoy these little debates I have with my friends about pros, cons , functionalities every time Apple has a big release.

Well there we have it , so until we meet again…

Oh iPhone , how I love to hate you.

P.S my wonderful , dependable ex, Nokia still sits somewhere in the house , always ready to be a backup phone incase the iPhone 4s and I have a falling out.

Image Courtesy : Siri , in a year http://thedoghousediaries.com/3175

Image Courtesy : Siri , unable to search chinese restaurants ,  Inhouse 

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supermum

Help ! I lost my cape !!

March 17, 2012

Upon hearing some fascinating stories about super heroes saving the earth , Cosmo and Nova , aliens from Slippytopia decided to pay the lesser planet a visit . Hoping to learn and replicate the superhero technology , they quietly went about making observations about super hero activities on earth .

They were enamored with Batman’s physical prowess , his acute intelligence and thought his means of transportation was quite enviable.Though Superman was initially a bit of a disappointment for the aliens for they had already mastered the art of flying interstellar distances centuries ago , they were taken by the super hero’s fashion sense and innovative haircut , making notes to make an appointment with the hero’s stylist as soon as possible . Slippians could use an image and wardrobe overhaul , they thought .

Feeling quite pleased with their findings so far , the aliens carried on to find Spidey aka Spiderman.It took them a little longer to comprehend exactly why flinging oneself on spider webs and clinging to walls was regarded a super hero trait . It wasn’t until the lovely Mary-Jane appeared at Spiderman’s latest crime scene , proudly linking arms with her man did they realize that spider instincts were very popular with the ladies , damn those girly mags !

Cosmo decided there and then he would bring back a designer spider web to his long time crush , Prada upon his return to Slippytopia . Gosh ! Prada would be so enchanted with his creative thinking and she might finally let Cosmo hold her toe nail … Sigh

The aliens were getting tired , super hero spying is no easy feat . They decided to head back home, quite excited about sharing their findings with Slippian intelligence .

As they slowly snuck back to their Slipship hidden behind a big contraption with many doors and windows , curious as they were Cosmo and Nova peered inside to find earthlings bartering food and goods for rectangular pieces of paper , seems earth was still working on its fair trade policies. Slippytopia was a far more sophisticated planet .

Turning around to leave , a strange looking earthling caught their eye , it seemed female , half it’s hair loosened from what was once a ponytail , carrying 3 packages in one hand , 4 in the other , yelling into something stuck to her right ear , pushing a cart carrying a newly born earthling , tying the shoe laces of a smaller male earthling all the while saving another little earthling who seemed to wander away from the footpath every 5 seconds . Cosmo and Nova were struck by the sheer strength of this woman , yet she wasn’t on their list of super heroes. Nova whipped out his SlipPad 2 and scanned the earthling ,Slipki returned the following result :

Target identified is a capeless and somewhat unsung super hero . Clever , loving , strong , patient and considerate . Often powered by caffeine! Exceptional cook , ATM , Driver , Shopper , Washer , Cleaner . Stopped being anything else the day she became a mother. Sacrifices her dreams and her manicures . Reader , Master juggler ,Calculator , Listener, Story Teller.

Kisses tears and cherishes smiles , inspires , applauds , reprimands , protects . Isn’t perfect , forgets , cries , has tired days , often complains of lack of sleep , yet pushes on every single day . Cares , honors , teaches , shares , cuddles , holds and showers love like no one ever will .

Legend has it , she has a cape hidden in her closet but wearing one might be considered uncool and embarrassing by her young ones . Supermum , commonly found in suburban homes ; changing the world , one shoe lace at a time .

Remuneration : love !


Planet name inspiration credits :My space loving fabulous two

Image courtesy: http://themarket.ie/?attachment_id=79

P.S : the fabulous two have deemed this story bed time friendly :)

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